When 45-year-old Ellen Michaels loses her husband to a tragic military accident, she is left in a world of gray. For 25 years her life has been dictated by the ubiquitous They—the military establishment that has included her like chattel with John’s worldly goods—his Dependents, Furniture, and Effects. They—who have stolen her hopes, her dreams and her innocence, and now in mere months will take away the roof over her head. Ellen is left with nothing to hold on to but memories and guilt and an awful secret that has held her in its grip since she was 19. John’s untimely death takes away her anchor, and now, without the military, there is no one to tell her where to go, what to do—no one to dictate who she is. Dependent deals with issues ever-present in today’s service families—early marriage, frequent long absences, the culture of rank, and posttraumatic stress, as well as harassment and abuse of power by higher-ranking officials. It presents a raw and realistic view of life for the lives of the invisible support behind the uniform.
In her book “Dependent,” Brenda Corey Dunne paints a realistic portrait of the day-to-day life of a military spouse – a dependent. Brenda does an excellent job of describing the emotional conflict within the main character Ellen – from the sadness of abandoning her career to the joy and pride of raising her children. Over the course of the story we see Ellen come to terms with her choices and draw strength from her experiences.
There are scenes in the story that I’m sure every military spouse has experienced:
- Overhearing vicious gossip in the ladies’ room
- Participating in banal conversation at an official function
- Struggling to make the military housing office understand that the broken furnace needs to be repaired in the middle of winter
- Trying to make ends meet with only one income
The story flashes between past and present. Chapters are titled based on the house Ellen lived in at the time (House No. 13, House No. 2 etc.) but the reader never really finds out in which cities Ellen has lived. As a military spouse myself, I understand why. It really doesn’t matter which city you’re in. Each geographical location has its own challenges and you’re never there long enough to get used to it anyway so does it really matter what city you’re in?
This is a well written book to which every military spouse can relate. It is also a book that military spouses can give to their non-military family and friends and say, “Here is a window into what my life is like and these are some of the things I struggle with.”
I read the book in three hours. I couldn’t put it down.
From one “Niner Domestic” to another, Thanks Brenda!
Where to find “dependent”
Click on these links to find “dependent”
BRENDA COREY DUNNE, trained as a physiotherapist, worked several years as a Physiotherapy Officer in the Royal Canadian Air Force before meeting the love of her life, RCAF Colonel Tom Dunne, and becoming a military dependent herself. Due to posting this summer, Brenda and her family recently sold their small hobby farm in Eastern Ontario and successfully drove across Canada hauling a horse in a trailer.
One year ago today we moved to England. So much has happened since then. It seems like “ages ago” and “not long ago” at the same time.
The children have settled into school and made friends. They were reluctant to leave Canada but they have come to realize that moving was a great choice for them. They have visited Germany and Switzerland, and one has also been to Spain. These are not opportunities they would have living in Canada.
My husband has a great job. He gets to work with military members from several NATO nations. Each person has a unique perspective to bring to the tasks and while it may take a little longer to reach the end goal, the results are stronger and more robust.
I’ve got a great job. It’s part-time so I get to be with the children both before and after school. The team I work with is super supportive, I’m learning so much and the clients I get to interact with bring joy to my day. I’m even earning more than when I owned my own business!
I’m grateful we’re here!
Most major grocery store chains provide home delivery service. Logon to the store’s website, click on the products you want to add to your shopping cart, select a delivery period and check out. Often you can get everything you need within 24 hours.
Most stores have a minimum order amount (around £25) and if you buy a monthly deliver pass (£10/month), all deliveries for the month are free if you buy over £40. With a physically fit husband and two teens in the house, it is pretty easy to buy £40 of groceries per order.
At first I was worried about the quality of the fresh produce that would be sent but I watched the “personal shoppers” in the store one day and found that they were as selective as me. Now I exclusively buy groceries online.
At first it was nerve-wracking driving a right-hand drive car on the left-hand side of the road but now that I’m comfortable with it, I’ve noticed something great. People here drive better than most Canadians. They “merge like a zipper” on the highways. They move back to the slow lane when they are done passing a vehicle. They drive at reasonable speeds (130kph on highways) and generally respect the speed limits where they are posted. They are courteous and respectful.
I commute to my part-time job on my bike. It is a 7km round-trip. I can cycle almost all year round. There are some days when it is raining too hard for me ride my bike though. Motorists are respectful of cyclists. They will wait behind me and go around when it is clear and I don’t get crowded into the ditch.
Both children wearing school uniforms has simplified many things. The kids find it so much easier to get ready for school in the morning because they know what they have to wear. Back-to-school shopping is easy. We just go to the uniform store and pick up what we need from the list. Laundry easier to do and there is less of it.
What do you like most about where you live?
In 2005, we moved from Quebec City to Toronto. My husband decided to get semi-custom “veterans” licence plates for our vehicle. When we moved to Montreal in 2006, we registered the vehicle in Quebec. The veterans licence plates were still registered to us but “unattached” to a vehicle. We figured we would use them when we moved back to Ontario.
In 2009, we returned to Ontario. Because my husband was in Afghanistan at the time, I had to register our vehicle in my name. Because I am not a veteran, I could not use the veterans licence plates. However, we kept them because we figured with 2 teenagers, sooner or later we’d need a second car. However, we did not purchase a second car and in 2013 we sold the one car we did have, and moved to England.
Fast-forward to March 2014. We received a letter from the City of Belleville stating that we had not paid a parking violation on February 6, 2014. Since we were not in Belleville on February 6, we assumed it was a clerical error.
I called (phone via Skype) the City of Belleville and spoke to a very nice woman. After I explained that we were a military family who had moved to England in July of 2013, she cancelled the traffic ticket. She also commented that it was a veterans licence plate that had the parking violation so she figured it was a military family.
That was when I started to panic! I looked through several bins in our storage area and I COULD NOT FIND THE LICENCE PLATES!! I called the Ontario Provincial Police (Quinte West Detachment) to report the licence plates as stolen or missing. They provided me with a report number to give to the Ontario Ministry of Transport.
I phoned (thank goodness for Skype) the Ministry of Transport and they sent an email with the documentation to make a report for the missing licence plates. The report has been sent to the Ministry and they have confirmed that they have received it.
Learn from my experience:
- Always return licence plates to the province of origin by registered mail so they are guaranteed to arrive. Keep the documentation until you’re sure the Ministry of Transport has received them.
- If you do decide to keep old licence plates, be sure to keep them in a safe place such as a locked filing cabinet.
- If licence plates go “missing”, report them “lost or stolen” to the police at the address they were last seen or to the provincial police in the province to which they belong as well as that province’s Ministry of Transport. For example, if we had Quebec licence plates that went missing from our Ontario address, we would report to the Quebec police as well as the SAAQ (Société d’assurance d’automobile de Québec).
- If you ever find licence plates, DO NOT USE THEM!!! Return them to the Ministry of Transport or the provincial police.
And to the person/people driving around with our old licence plates:
The police are looking for you!!!
The military likes to post soon-to-be-retired members in the area in which they wish to retire. This allows the member to become settled in his/her new neighbourhood. However, not all military members can be posted to their preferred place of retirement. For example, a naval engineer may wish to retire near his/her adult children in Saskatoon. There are no jobs for a naval engineer in Saskatoon. Therefore, his/her final posting may be to Victoria then on retirement, the military would pay for his/her retirement move to Saskatoon.
Our family is not yet at the retirement stage yet but we have discussed in what city/town we would like to retire.
During our final posting we would make the decision on whether or not we would stay in that city, in that neighbourhood, or whether we would make our final home somewhere else. Factors to consider in our retirement will include:
- Employment: Will either of us choose second careers? If so, what and where?
- Children: Where will our kids be attending school? Where will they settle down?
- Extended Family: Will we need to be care-givers to our parents or other relatives?
- Travel: Do we need to be near airports/train lines to meet family or other obligations? Will we become world travellers?
- Finances: What can we afford in terms of housing? What is the cost of living in the area we wish to retire? Could we easily resell our house if we decided to move?
- Leisure: Does the area we wish to retire offer leisure activities to suit us?
- Health: Does the area have sufficient health services for our needs as we age?
- Aging: Does the area have sufficient long-term care facilities should we require that?
- Culture: Can we create a community of friends, colleagues in our new area? Will we be accepted there?
The media is all up in arms right now because LGen.(ret’d) Leslie moved within the same city on his retirement posting. I’ve met Mr. Leslie briefly a couple of times at military functions. He is a smart, level-headed guy. I’m sure that he and his family discussed all of the points above (and maybe more) prior to their decision to stay in Ottawa. Why would they move within the same city? Mr. Leslie states they were moving to a small home which is eminently reasonable. Many people downsize on retirement. As well, he would no longer need an (almost) entire room in his home to store his military gear. (Yes, it really does take up that much space!)
Mr. Leslie was ENTITLED to this move. Just as all military members are entitled to their retirement moves. After going through 8 military moves myself, I can assure readers that it is almost impossible to cheat the system. In some ways it is difficult to even know what benefits you are entitled to claim! It is almost impossible for the member to know how much was actually spent on the move. In the 8 moves we’ve done, I have no idea how much was paid out to the moving companies that packed, loaded and transported our HG&E.
I will tell this to all my readers: If you think the system of moving military members is broken, the best person to fix it is someone who has LIVED IT.
Note to Mr. Leslie:
In 2011 the military moved us a total distance of 3km, from one PMQ to another. It was a full-service move for our family of four and 5000kg of HG&E. The media didn’t seem to care what it cost…but then again we’re not in politics.
Last year at this time we received our screening message to be posted to the UK. If I’d known then, what I know now, I would have started my home inventory as soon as the screening message arrived. If you have received a screening message for an OUTCAN posting in 2014 – START YOUR HOME INVENTORY NOW. Please learn from my mistakes!
Why do I have to do a home inventory?
If you’re going OUTCAN, you are required to provide a detailed inventory of the furniture and household goods you are bringing into the host country as well as the fair market value of the goods.
What if I’m not going on an OUTCAN posting?
Do a complete household inventory anyway. It is useful to determine the amount of insurance you need as well as provide details to your insurance company should something awful happen (theft, fire, moving truck crash, etc.)
Do I need to do an inventory of things I am leaving in storage?
YES! You should have a complete detailed list, with photographs, of everything that you leave in storage in Canada. You should retain a copy of the list and leave the list with someone you trust in Canada. Many items go “missing” from storage lockers. Your inventory will allow you to make claims on your insurance more easily.
Additionally, you will be able to refer back to the list of your items in storage to help you remember what you own and you don’t inadvertently buy another of the same thing.
How do I do a home inventory?
There are many different types of software applications that can help you do a detailed inventory, each with its own advantages and disadvantages.
Do I need to do buy one of these programs to do a detailed inventory for my OUTCAN posting?
Not really. You can use a simple Excel spreadsheet (download here .xls). Many of the programs listed above will export the required information and these programs will also allow you to store photos with the description of the item. The spreadsheet will not allow you to do that. It all depends on how much time you’ve got to do the inventory and how detailed you want to be.
I don’t remember how much I paid for items and some were gifts. How do I find the fair market value?
The value can be determined by finding the equivalent item online. For example, if you bought a shelving unit from Canadian Tire, look on their website to see what the cost would be for that model. If they do not have that model available, quote the price for an equivalent model. Please note that you CANNOT artificially inflate the value of what you own. Other places to look for equivalent pricing are kijji and ebay.
What about my valuables? Do I list them?
You must list all items, including high value items on your home inventory. The moving company will advise how to pack them. High value artwork, (paintings, sculptures, etc.) will be specially packed and labelled by the moving company. Some items such as jewellery, you should carry with you. If high value items have serial numbers, record them in a safe place. You should include serial numbers in the “Item Description” field on the spreadsheet.
What do I do with the list once completed?
Your HG&E will not leave the country until you have provided a copy of the list to Base Traffic/Movements section along with copies of your passports and visas. You will also need to have a paper copy with you when you arrive at customs of the host country. If you’re flying to your destination, make sure a copy is in your carry-on luggage. To be safe, we also kept an electronic copy in the “cloud” so that if we were separated from our suitcases for any reason, we could still access a copy and have it printed.
Now that I’ve arrived in my host country and unpacked I can get rid of the inventory, right?
NOOOOOOO!! As long as you have an accessible, working electronic copy of the inventory you can shred any paper copies. You will need to prepare another complete inventory prior to coming home. Keep the electronic copy as a starting point for your inventory to return to Canada.
In Canada I always had a bottle lemon juice in the fridge. My favourite was the 75omL (25oz) bottle of ReaLemon lemon juice. I use lemon juice for making sauces for fish and chicken, making salad dressing, lemonade and iced tea. Some people say that bottled lemon juice isn’t as good as freshly squeezed juice but I don’t notice a difference.
When we arrived in England and I did my first trip to the grocery store to stock the fridge, I wanted to buy a bottle of lemon juice. I couldn’t find any. I looked in the juice aisle figuring that, since it was juice, made from a fruit, it might be there. It was not. I looked in the condiments aisle figuring that since people put it on their “fish & chips” it would be with the ketchup and mustard. It was not there either. So I gave up looking and bought fresh lemons.
Then, lo and behold, the other day while shopping for ready-made cake icing, I found the bottled lemon juice – in the BAKERY section. Because everybody knows the reason you use bottled lemon juice is to make lemon cake.
I bought the largest bottle they had, 250mL (8oz).